Doulas & Dads
Doulas aren’t just there
for the mum. They are there to help the fathers as well.
How do doulas help dads?
- Guilt free breaks. Stepping in to help
when the partner needs a short break.
Labour is hard work, not just for the woman, but for those supporting her!
- Helping dads be helpful. Sometimes dad
wants to be help but he’s not sure where to begin. Or he may feel
intimidated by the medical staff coming in and out of the room. The doula
can empower him to support his partner.
- Emotional support. Providing reassurance
to the partner as well as the woman giving birth. If a partner has never
seen a woman in labour
before, it can be very reassuring to have someone focused on his
needs to answer questions, give an encouraging smile, and put
everything into context! This is an amazing journey for partners too!
- Less pressure. With a doula present the
couple will not need to worry about forgetting their birth plans or trying
to remember the pros and cons of interventions. Also for the father who
wishes to take a back seat, a doula allows him to relax and experience the
birth without being actively involved.
Myths About Dads and
Doulas
By Penny Simkin, PT
Myth 1 – If a woman has
her partner, the doula becomes redundant.
Reality – The doula may be
the only person at the labor besides the partner who is there solely for the
emotional well-being of the woman. The nurse, the doctor, the midwife have
other priorities that compete with the emotional care of the woman: for
example, breaks, shift changes, clinical responsibilities, office hours and
hospital policies. The doula has few or no other priorities. She stays through
shift changes, and until after the baby is born. She is not just another
stranger with the couple She has the woman’s needs as her sole priority. In
some cases, the couple will bring several other friends or family members into
labour with them. Sometimes these people can be uncertain of how to help which
leads to confusion and actually adds to the woman’s stress. The doula can
direct and coordinate the efforts of a group of people, giving them all
some-thing useful to do, so they work as a team on the woman’s behalf.
Myth 2 – The doula “takes
over”, displacing the partner and interferes with their intimate experience.
Reality – The doula can
actually bring the couple closer. By making sure that the partner’s needs are
met (food, drink, occasional back rubs, and reassurance), the woman and partner
can work more closely together. The doula allows for the partner to participate
at his own comfort level. Some partners prefer to be there only to witness the
birth of their child and to share this experience with the woman they love.
They may not want to play an active role and do not want to be responsible for
the woman’s comfort and emotional security. The doula can fill in and allow the
partner to participate as he wishes, without leaving the woman’s needs unmet.
When the partner chooses to be the major source of emotional support, the doula
can supplement his or her efforts by running errands, making suggestions for
comfort measures, and offering words of reassurance and comfort. During a long
tiring labour, she can give the partner a break for a brief rest or change of
scene. While the doula probably knows more than the partner about birth, hospitals,
and maternity care, the partner knows more about the woman’s personality, likes
and dislikes, and needs. Moreover, he loves the woman more than anyone else
there. The combined contributions of partner and doula, along with a competent,
considerate and caring staff, gives the woman the best chance of an optimal
outcome.
Myth 3 – The doula has her
own beliefs about how the birth should go, and imposes it on the woman or
couple.
Reality – The doula’s true
agenda is to help ensure that the woman’s or couple’s agenda is acknowledged
and followed as much as possible. If the doula is thoroughly familiar with the
couple’s wishes and their birth plan, she may actually think more about it than
the couple, especially when labor is intense and things are happening rapidly.
The doula can remind the staff or the couple of some items on the birth plan
that are forgotten, but which later might be important. Sometimes if a birth
plan is not followed, the couple later look back with regret or disappointment.
The doula helps with decision-making by asking questions that will ensure that
the right information is given to the woman or couple so that they can make an
informed decision. She may also suggest alternatives for the couple to
consider. She does not, however, make decisions for the couple.
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